church


The photos below have nothing to do with this post. I had no pictures to put with the post, so I just took a series that I was pretty sure would never make it to SkyWatch Friday. This is a sunrise about 3 weeks ago. The pictures were taken within about two minutes and I think include the view from every direction from my house.

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click photo to enlarge

Before I started blogging, I hesitated quite a long time to do it, even though pressured to do it by two of my cousins. The main reason was time. I  knew I did not have time. I still do not, as evidenced by my irregular posting and visiting. But another reason is that I thought it was a bit narcissistic. I thought WHO CARES about the daily happenings of anyone else.  Before I dove in myself, I spent several months reading other blogs. I realized they are not all self-absorbed. (I do not read the ones that I think are.)

However, I have been thinking about my blog lately because one fairly regular reader and commenter once said something like “whatever your blog is about.”  I laughed (I often laugh at his comments; he has a wonderful sense of humor whether or not he means to be humorous.) because it is true.  My blog has no theme. I knew it would not, but it is glaringly apparent when compared to the blogs I visit. Most could be categorized as something. Mine cannot. It is about me. It does not get much more narcissistic than that. And this post will probably be the worst yet. Thank you to all you who come here even though the topics are so varied and there might be three sentences one visit and an epistle the next. And for putting up with me.

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Today I did not really want to say anything about September 11 because so many others have. I also find it irritating how something so tragic that drew a nation together for a few days (or an afternoon?) is now often used in a political sense to tear it apart. (Certainly not everyone, but I have seen plenty of  “Remember 9/11, and be sure you remember why this event makes me right in my political opinions.” I have seen this from opposing viewpoints. Can we just remember a tragedy without being disparaging?) I rarely mention politics in  this space because I hate politics. I hate extremes. I think all sides have extremes. I think the extreme left and the extreme right both want to take away freedom–just in different ways that appeal only to them. (My viewpoints make both sides upset, so if I really got into this, I would likely alienate my entire readership.)  I hate statements that have little other purpose than to be inflammatory. I hate it when people can dish it out but cannot take it.  So I choose to avoid the topic entirely–most of the time. Which is why I was going to avoid any mention of 9/11.  But something compelled me to tell my part of that day’s story. I was pregnant with Chic. I was at work. The tiny television in the Conference Room was on for people to watch the horrific scene over and over. (I am personally not a fan of watching the same tragedy over and over.) Then the Pentagon was hit. Just a couple of weeks before that Prince Charming had been doing an internship at the Pentagon. (Leaving my pregnant self home alone much of the summer.) What was horrible before was real then. But real for me was not, and will never be, what real was for the people who lived and worked  in New York City and Washington, D.C. on that day or who lost someone. They know real. The rest of us just speculate.

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In my car today, on the way to drop off some stamps and to pick up Chic, I suddenly started crying about my mother. There is  nothing special about today in relation to her, but maybe I was thinking about the 9/11 loss. Chicklet was talking to me, and I could not even speak. When I started blogging, I thought I would write a lot about my mother. About her life. About her death. About her 10-year dying process. But I have written very little. Some days I want to just unload it all. But part of me is afraid. The few times I  have discussed her before, the reactions have not been at all what I expected. My reason for wanting to share her story has to do with lessons learned. It is not about me at all. I do not want sympathy or consoling words. I want people to understand what happened and why. I guess I do not know how to say it in a way to make people understand, or else I am not ready. But today, I missed her.

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Last Friday (or Saturday, I don’t remember when it went up) I did a post and said I would see you on Monday. I did not. The day had several totally unexpected things happen (I spent most of the day in front of the computer working on things for Art Class), but ended well (and also unexpectedly) with an afternoon/evening with our “gaming friends” playing Settlers of  Catan–Cities and Knights. (And have been behind blogging since.)

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Now for some more random (and hopefully lighter than the first two sections) things…

1– I  have decided I do not like cooking much right now. Nothing has changed, really, but I get SO. MUCH. ACCOMPLISHED on days I do not cook. I am great at multi-tasking, but I think I hate it. When I cook, I want to focus on cooking. When I cannot focus on it, I think I would rather not do it at all.

2– Our electricity has been flashing lately for every thundercloud that goes over. I realize this is common in some parts of the country (southern Missouri, for example), but it is not common here. And it is starting to get on my nerves because I am at a computer so much of the time.

3– I have two times a day when I can think–really think. Those times are when I exercise and when I cook. (And cooking might involve so many other things that it does not count.) But I am thinking about a post relating to my aerobic activity which is biking (usually to school, but sometimes in the neighborhood). It will mostly be a rant, but I cannot get it out of my head.

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click photo to enlarge

4– My husband is gone. He will be gone most of the weekend at a seminar related to his position at church. I hate it when he is gone. (For many reasons not the least of which he is not here to have water boiling on the stove to add to my bath when it gets cold–because I do not like running water in the tub because the wait for hot water is too long.)

5– Tonight’s bath is scented with Black Amethyst from Bath and Body Works. I was not into that scent much during the heat of summer, but I am liking it a lot again now. (Have I told you how absolutely glorious September is in this part of the country?)

6– My biggest project of the week has been doing my taxes. No, not estimated quarterlies, but the ones that were due on April 15. The last few years we have filed for extensions (even though we always get money back) because I do not have time to do them (and Prince Charming, forgive me, is useless in this area). But they have NEVER been this late. If I were married to Daryl (which I think is impossible because neither of us are lesbians, though neither of us oppose them and their relationships, and who also has a wonderful 9/11 post today), she would have divorced me by now for how long this has taken. Prince Charming is just happy he does not have to bother with financial things.

7– I really, really, REALLY do not like word verification on Blogspot. Really.

8– When I grow up, I want to be her.

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Last week I showed you some of the rides at Silver Dollar City, an 1880’s Craft Village. The next time I go (which could be years from now, but I hope not), I will leave the kids with  someone else and attend to the crafts which to me would make a much more interesting post. However, on the way out, I saw something I had to show my girls.

2009-06-02.FrontIt was the Wilderness Church. This church has been part of Silver Dollar City as long as I have been going (at least 40 years), and if it has changed at all, it is not much.

It is built of rough-hewn logs and even has rough-hewn log pews.

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Every  Sunday they have a church service in here. I will admit I have never been to that. I prefer to go in when it is more empty and quiet.

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I do not remember the picture window at the front when I was little, but it may have been there. I could easily find out if I could go through my dad’s enormous slide collection because when I was six, I was the flower girl in a wedding in this church. I felt SO important because I got to be in a wedding in SILVER DOLLAR CITY! I wore a red cotton dress that had white hearts and “I love you”‘s printed all over it. I was also missing two front teeth and made sure that was noticeable in every picture. I wish I had the first idea where to find those pictures. Someday I will.

This was the view out the picture window when we were there. But if you were sitting in the pew, you would only see green trees.

This was the view out the picture window when we were there. But if you were sitting in the pew, you would only see green trees.

Whether or not the picture window is original (the text plaque above it is; I remember that distinctly), it is good for it to be there. There is a pretty view out it. And if I were sitting in church there, it would be nice to see the green woods behind the minister. (Or imagine the rich colors of autumn–a fabulous time to visit.)  Of course I would be looking out the window and not at the minister, but at least it would be in the right direction.

Silver Dollar City celebrates Christmas in November and December. I have not been to that in many years, but they used to have a live nativity scene, and at least a year or two, that was visible from that big picture window in the church. And the sun would set behind it. I wish I visited Missouri at Christmas just for the chance to go to Silver Dollar City then. (And instead of giant snow cones, hot cider is my refreshment of choice.)

My World is a weekly meme in which participants are virtual tour guides. Go check it out and see the worlds of others. Or better yet, take a look at the guidelines, and do your own My World Post!

There have been four times in my life when I have been REALLY sick. Sick enough to think about mortality, even if I knew that probably was not going to happen. Sick enough to take more than a week to recover.

The first time I was eight. I had a horrible case of strep throat that kept me out of school for three weeks and in the hospital for one week. I was actually probably too young to think about mortality then, but I remember my dad threatening to make me eat potato chips if I did not drink enough pear juice in the hospital. (Pear juice was the ONLY thing that did not feel like it was ripping my throat to pieces as it went down.) I think my parents might have been a little worried at the time.

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The next time was twenty years later. I had just moved into my first house with my first husband. It was December, and I got the flu. The BAD flu. I do not believe I had ever had that before. I suffered a week off work without getting any better and finally realized I was not going to get better, and I needed to go to the doctor. I did not care if I lived or died. I lost 15 pounds in one month, and it was a full month before I could work full days.

Ten years later I was pregnant with Chicklet. That little creature sucked everything from me. She took every nutrient and bit of strength I had, then she took my immunity. In a 7-month span I got three sinus infections, three stomach flus (more than I had had in my entire life before that), and the BAD flu. Most days I worked as much as I could in the morning and lay on the sofa all afternoon. It was not a good time. My midwife did not really believe I was sick. She treated me like I was trying to get drugs. (Twice in this time I got to see a doctor who was kind, understanding and gave me medicine to get through the current problem.) A week after Chicklet was born, I was in nearly perfect health. She was not, and I have to think it was because I was so drained that even though she took everything from me, it was not enough for her.

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It has been five years since then and I am really sick again. (For those of you who are into numbers and trends, are you as frightened as I am about what is going to happen to me in about 2-1/2 years?) I have “severe” esophagitis. I noticed it a week ago yesterday when we were headed out of town. I could feel (and it was uncomfortable) every bite of food that I took from the swallow until the opening to the stomach. It got progressively worse over the weekend to the point that Sunday I did not want to eat. When we got home Sunday night I ate a small amount because I knew I needed food. I have not eaten more than 300 calories in a day since last Saturday, and the 300 calories is a HIGH number. I have only done that a couple times. (Thus the title of the post–which I must say is the silver lining to this problem.)

Eating is painful. It is usually not a burning pain, but a pain that grips my whole chest and radiates to my back and into my neck  and ears. This happens for anything swallowed, even a drop or two at a time. This has created another problem in that I am not getting enough nutrition and am incredibly weak. The problem with this is that my life is busy and it is the holiday season and I have more going on that usual.

My stamping business is somewhat intentionallybusier than usual for December. Last Thursday evening I had a workshop and Prince Charming arranged a babysitter and did it for me. I went with him, but mostly just sat with the guests and heckled him. Thank goodness for him because I would have been in bad shape had I done it alone. My personality would have made me suck it up and put on a brave face, but I probably would have collapsed in the car when I left.  Tomorrow I have another one, and a friend (who is assuming the role of my mother at the moment) is going to fill in as Prince Charming did. I will go, but she will do the presentation for me.

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This friend has made me face humility in other ways. Right now I am home when I normally would be headed to church. She insisted that I stay home while she takes over leading the program for the 4-6-year-olds today.  I am so grateful for this because I am weak and tired, and tonight is our church’s biggest annual event, the “Festival of Lights,” a holiday musical program. I am planning on pulling all my strength together so I can go. The music is always incredible.

Which leads me to the other thing this friend did for me and is making me be humble. Who would you guess makes the programs for the Festival of  Lights? Of course it is me! Last year was the first year I did it. I made 500 of them. We used less than 400, however, so this year it was decided to make 400. Not because I procrastinate, but because I have so many things going on in my life, those were not finished when I got sick. Another friend had volunteered a couple of weeks ago to do part of the stamping, so I allowed her. I had done a little more, but with my schedule and being sick, I just was not even close to being finished. My motherly friend (who is only a few  years older than me) decided that she was going to take an afternoon off of work to help me with them. Her daughter called, and she came as well. The two of them finished the program covers on Thursday afternoon. THEN yesterday morning, another friend and her mother-in-law came and helped me put all the inserts (with program information) on the inside. The programs are finished, and I probably did the minority of the work. (Prince Charming is proud.)

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So why am I sitting her painfully sipping  liquid nourishment to tell you this? Somewhat because I am weird like that, but mostly to explain my absence in visiting you. The only reason I have posted this week is there were time sensitive (to me) things about which to post, or I would have been completely absent.

When I went on a trip in October, you know I got way behind in blogging. I was slowly catching up with my visits, but then we went on last weekend’s trip. Now I am sick. I have not looked at my reader much at all this week. I am sure it is over 1000 again. I am going on another trip next weekend to visit my cousin. I am coming to grips with the fact that I may not catch up on the reader at all. I may just have to start with what is current when I can do it again. I may not be able to return every visit here. My personality tells me I must, and I will definitely try, but I am not just a little sick, and I have a whole lot of other life that needs attention in the moments when I can get up and do something.

Thank you for your visits even when I have not been visiting. And this post was definitely not for you to feel bad for me or wish me well, but only to tell you why I am gone and that I will be back when I can. Having not eaten substantially for a full week and likely not to be able to for another few days (the doctor said it would take at least a week from when I saw her last Wednesday for the esophagus to heal), my recovery is probably going to be slow. I will probably be weak and tired for a long time.  I will come when I can.

Incidentally, this is my 100th post. I had determined not to even mention it when it happened, but I find it amusing that this is the topic for my 100th post. And I probably would not have noticed it, but when I got online this morning, WordPress had changed their screens and the number of posts I have published was right in front of my eyes.

The flower pictures are a bouquet Prince Charming got me this week. I love them. They look like an antique painting to me–not really real. I think I will be surprised when they wilt.

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To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven.  Eccl. 3:1 (NKJV)

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Do you ever feel like you are “good.” Or wonderful? Or special? Like you do so many things (especially on a volunteer basis) for so many people and organizations that no one could keep up with you if they tried? Do you ever pat yourself on the back for all the things you accomplish that you know ten five other people could not do as well or half as fast? Do you ever secretly (yes, secretly–sometimes it is a secret even to yourself) feel like you are a little above most of the rest of the pack due to how much you take on, and accomplish?

Well, Reader, I feel all of those things sometimes. In all my life I have made diligent effort to not praise myself, but inside I know how “good” I am. I do not mean “sweet” or “angelic.” I am not those things. (I laugh, hideously, when people say, “You’re so sweet.”) But I am good at most things I decide to do. Most of the time, better than good. I know a lot of you know what I am talking about because you are the same type of people. (In fact, by some of your comments in previous posts, I wish my readers lived close to me because then I know I would not be so busy!) And when one is like this, like I am, people respond positively all. of. the. time. I am not going to list all the things I (and my family) do that bring us praise, but I will say that almost wherever we go where there is interaction with other people, we are lauded and praised for a myriad of things ranging from my cooking to the behavior of our children. When people praise you all of the time, it has to somehow go to your head. Even if you are the “humble” type (which I believe I am), all the accolades add up, and it is easy to start feeling pretty good about yourself.

Then add blogging. I know there are trolls out there, but I have not had any. Likely because most of my posts are for the most part benign, but people are just NICE in their comments to me. YOU are nice to me! Last week my SkyWatch post had over 100 comments and all were glowing and complimentary. Now I am wise enough to realize that most people are not going to say something unkind in that situation, but still… to read all that good stuff does no harm to one’s self-esteem.

So I am admitting now that I go through life pretty happy with myself most of the time. I do not think my ego is inflated (those of you who know me personally can correct me there if I am fooling myself), and I know I do not think I am better than anyone else. But I do know I can and do accomplish more things than the average person. Sometimes it makes me crazy because I do so many things and some around me do so few, but probably even that feeds my self-esteem a little bit.

So today I was brought back to earth. My doorbell rang. It was not time for the UPS man, so I did not answer it. I quietly went to peek to see if it was someone I knew or a salesperson, and no one was there. I thought I saw a basket. That seemed a little strange, but our neighborhood is good at passing baskets of goodies around (often initiated by yours truly), so I thought it was that. I was in the middle of something, so I left it there and forgot about it.

A couple of hours later I went outside and found the basket you see above. I was astounded. It just seemed like there was too much stuff in there to be a neighborhood goody basket. I brought it inside and looked closely. DEFINITELY too much for a neighborhood gift, and I was sure I saw a gift card. WHAT WAS GOING ON?

I opened it, and there was a note like a scroll:

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It said it was from my church. It said “they” realized how much we do, and it was a small token of appreciation.

If you are a regular reader, you may remember that one of my many church responsibilities is Church Treasurer. That means I know there is no budget for things like this. Also, I would know if it was done anyway because I would have to have the receipt. I know I will not get a receipt. That means one of two things: 1) The Pastor and his wife did it on their own with their own money, or 2) A group of people got together and contributed and did it. My vote is on #1 because I know how the Pastor is. But either way, it was kind and generous and humbling. Sometimes when someone (like me) does so many things, s/he almost thinks that no one else is doing anything. Sometimes I feel like all I do is give, give, give. I do not WANT to “get,” but sometimes I just wish there were a little less giving. But someone else gave to me, and it was a sobering experience.

Here are the things that were in the basket:

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These are little mint tins for Chic and Chicklet along with Ben & Jerry’s gift cards for them:

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Below is a Toys ‘R’ Us Gift card for Chic and Chicklet. 

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Reader, the value of that gift card is $40.

The bread and the wild rice soup is below. The bread was Herb Four-Cheese bread. We had it with dinner tonight. (Remember I make bread on Fridays? This came early enough that I had not started making bread yet. It was nice because I am sick.) It was DELICIOUS!

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A jar of raspberry jam is next. Did whoever know that raspberry is my favorite? Doesn’t the label just look like what is inside will be good?

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Next is the sparkling cider and munchy-stuff mix. We will have the cider for tomorrow’s dinner after church. (If the residents of this house are not named “Louise,” they will be lucky to get even a bite of the munchy stuff.)

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And finally, this:

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Reader, this is a gift card to Williams-Sonoma for $100. (Can any of you imagine that I was in tears by this point?)

So our family is feeling a little more grounded than we might have yesterday, or even this morning. We still have plenty of self-esteem and we are still doing all the things we were before. We still do not ever get a full day “off.” But we fully realize that we are not the only ones.

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