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 Dear Mr. and Mrs. Grape,

It is my greatest hope that your summer was filled with fun and fulfilling times with your family.

As another year of school begins, it is time to prepare yourselves and your children for classes.  One of these classes is Art.  Contrary to some opinions, art is a class.  It is not free time, study hall, recess, or anything other than a real class.  It can be a fun class if all students cooperate, but a class it is and a class it will remain.

That being said it might be important to remind your children that walking in the door complaining about how hard art class is and how much they hate it might not be a good idea.  Grades are not given on qualily of art, but on paying attention, actually attempting assignments and the general ability to paint paper rather than people.  I thought my 4-year-old was the biggest whiner on the planet until I met your children.

When “homework” is given in art class, it is because your child goofed off so much during class that s/he did not complete her/his assignment.  It is expected that said homework will be completed and taken seriouisly.  It is expected that the homework will exit the Art Room without complaint from the student as it is not his/her teacher’s fault that the project was not completed in the allotted time.

When assignments of materials to bring to class are given, it is expected that said items will actually be brought.  I am having a little trouble wondering why your child does not have a pencil and eraser for other school subjects, but regardless, they are required for art, as are, periodically, other materials.  Your child will not participate in art without required materials.

I realize your family hail from the Napa Valley, but wine (good) is much different from whine (bad).  Please teach your children not to whine at every word from the Art Teacher.  Possibly you could begin this by  teaching with your example.  Just a thought.

Hoping not to choke your children.  Looking forward to another year of art with your whiners children.

Sincerely,

Your Children’s Sick-and-tired-of-whining-and-lame-excuses-for-not-having-required-materials  Art Teacher

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I got the idea for this letter from In the Gutter who got it from Painted Maypole.  I love theirs so did one of my own.  (Mine is enormously just a little more cynical than theirs are.)

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